Deciphering Papelbon

After his performance on WEEI’s Dennis and Callahan show this morning, Papelbon should be given the Dennis Green Trophy for Achievement in the Field of Nonsensical Quotes by a Sports Figure.

“I don’t think that if, for me, the way I think so far, as of right now, if I don’t sign anything right now, then I’ll probably more than likely go to arbitration or something like that.”

Ok, give me a minute. I think Lassie is trying to tell us something.

Let’s break this down:

“I don’t think...” Got it

“that if, for me...” Mmm-hmm

“the way I think so far...” I think this “I think” trumps the original “I don’t think,” so the sentence really starts here.

“as of right now...” You know, until now I always thought he was speaking to us from the future. Thanks for clearing that up, Paps.

“if I don’t sign anything right now...” Simple enough

“then I’ll probably more than likely go to arbitration or something like that.”

Ok. So I think he wants a new deal before arbitration. Or else he’s going to go through arbitration.

Holy crap.

My mind is blown.

This guy needs to keep a blog.

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